Dealing with Death

Posted by Rob Brandt, With 0 Comments, Category: Announcements, Grief, Stigma, Support,

ThinkstockPhotos-544452156-640x213I am now writing this in a completely different vain than I intended.

Carla and I watched a movie last week called Wind River.  When we selected this movie, all we knew was that it was a murder mystery, which I love, and we both like Jeremy Renner who starred in the film.

There was a scene in the movie where Renner is speaking to a Dad who just found out his 18-year-old daughter had passed (we find out that Renner had lost his daughter three years earlier).  Renner talks to this Dad about what he will face.  As we listened, we were riveted as his words were so profound; clearly, this writer had lost a child because the feelings were articulated with a depth and emotion that could only come from knowing.

We knew we wanted to share those words with everyone, but today, we share them under different circumstances.  As I type this, it is literally 48 minutes after finding out that a friend had passed.  In some ways, more than a friend, a beacon of hope that I looked to as proof of our ability to win.  Kenny was two years in recovery and an amazing advocate for recovery.  Ken was an active participant with Family Matters, and his presence was a big reason why I wanted him on the Board at ROBBY’S.  I had been talking with Ken about recovery, future business ventures, and the long motorcycle rides we were going to take next year with Nolan.  We won’t get that chance because today, God called him home.

I spoke to my Dad who knew Kenny really well and he asked, “when will it end?”  I don’t know that answer, but I know it will as long as we continue to fight; continue to hope; continue to believe. I think Carla said it best – “we have to be stronger than the devil.”  Yes, we do, and we will be regardless of the pain. We will be stronger than the devil.

So, I’ll share the words with you, and maybe someone who reads them will find something in them that helps.

WIND RIVER –

RENNER CHARACTER: I’d like to tell you it gets easier, but it doesn’t.  If there is any comfort…it’s getting used to the pain I suppose.

I went to a grief seminar in Casper (Wyoming). Did you know that?

I don’t know why.  I just wanted the bad to go away.  I wanted answers to questions that couldn’t be answered.  A Counselor came up to me after the seminar, sat down next to me and he said something that stuck with me.  I don’t know if it is what he said or how he said it.

He said I got some good news and I got some bad news.  The bad news is that you’re never going to be the same.  You’re never going to be whole, not ever again.  You lost your daughter, and nothing is ever going to replace that.  The good news is that as soon as you accept that and let yourself suffer, you’ll allow yourself to visit her in your mind.  You’ll remember all the love she gave; al the joy she knew.

The point is Martin, you can’t steer from the pain.  If you do, you rob yourself…you’ll rob yourself of every memory of her. Every last one.  From her first step to her last moment.  Just take the pain Martin. You hear me, just take it.  It’s the only way you’ll keep her with you.

End –

Well, we take the pain, we take it every day and we will continue to take it.

We will take the pain because we are stronger than the devil.

We will not lose hope, but run to it.

We will believe because to do anything less is to give in to darkness.

We will take the pain and it will not break us because we will stand strong together, and we will win.